Saturday, 18 March 2017

Golly Gosh!

Fuck Forest, Fuck Work, Fuck The Bikeshed MC, Fuck Sideburn, Fuck the Weather, Fuck 'Adventure' Bikes, Fuck Sportsbikes, Fuck Harley Davidsons, Fuck The Triumph Bobber, Fuck The Horsey Horse Riders, Fuck Cyclists, (Especially The Fuckers Riding In A Peloton On Main Roads), Fuck North Face Clad, Trekking Pole Sunday Wankers, Fuck Mobile Phone Using Drivers, Fuck All London Shandy Swilling Fuckers, Fuck The Premiership, Fuck Litter Dropping McDonalds Eating Fuckers, Fuck Animal Cruelty, Fuck Forest, (Yes, Yes, I know I've Already Said Fuck Forest), Fuck Instagram, Fuck Facebook, Fuck My Leaking Goretex Walking Boots That's Given Up The Ghost After Less Than Six Months Daily Use, Fuck Merchandise, Fuck Vaping, ( Blow That In My Face Again And I'll Insert It Into Your Poo-Hole) Fuck Nottingham, Fuck Journalists, Fuck Choppers, Fuck Nodding Motorcyclists, Fuck Waving Motorcyclists, ( I Have Fuck -All In Common With You, Concentrate On Your Line Through The Corner Rather Than Waving At Me, I Don't Give A Fuck And Have Fuck All In Common With You You Waving Clown) Fuck People Who Fit Windows In A Volkswagen Transporter, It's A Fucking Van For Fucks Sake! That's Why God Invented Tents! Fuck Alloy Wheels On VW Transporters, Banded Steels Are The Way To Go Fucker! Fuck Over-Priced 'Classic Bikes' Fuck Cancer, Fuck Moto GP, ( Support Your Local Club Racer) Fuck Thieves, Fuck Scammers, Fuck Beardy Hipsters, (Get A Fucking Shave You Hairy Fucker) Fuck Whichever God You Follow, Fuck Tattoos, Fuck Negativity, Fuck 'Da Police (Tune!) Fuck! I've Got A Supermoto! Game Over Fucker......

Friday, 10 March 2017

Airfix

Glue and paint not included. In a land, far, far away I can remember going up Cockpit Hill with my nan and squashing my face against the window of Syd Sharrocks Model Shop to gaze in awe at the display of Airfix Model kits. Downstairs I remember, was fishing tackle, air guns and catapults, but upstairs, up the creaky wooden steps, way beyond the smell of casters and maggots and the balsa wood aeroplanes with tiny-two stroke engines, hanging from twine from the ceiling to simulate flight,  was a real treasure trove of the plastic scale model planes, trains, soldiers, cars and motorcycles all with the fantastic artwork of the legendary Roy Cross.
            Many happy hours spent with my dad, him painstakingly cutting the component parts from the plastic spars, sanding and painting and carefully gluing them together to create miniature replicas of the real thing. All the time I would be gluing my fingers together and sniffing the solvents in the adhesive, how times change!  As I got older and after my old man had taught me to build the kits myself I became quite an accomplished modeller myself. Apparently, the later model boxes had the bombs, bullet traces and rising flame/smoke airbrushed out of the original pictures, I mean, come on, no wonder Airfix sales declined, after all, as an eight year old isn't that what it was all about?

Friday, 3 March 2017

Unauthorised Merchandise

What I really like about the blogger platform is the whole punk rock, diy ethic. The whole Rank Amateur, John Bull Printing Set, easy to use, try it, shagged it, fucked it up, never mind, there's always tomorrow attitude, something sadly missing in today's 'watch what you say, don't offend anyone, lets network, I really love your product' world. Like I've said many times on the old loveless blog, I've got a real job, i don't make my living posting bollocks on the 'tinterweb, I get up at twat 'o clock in the morning, work a mind-numbing shift and wheelspin out of the factory yard at 15.10 hrs everyday to get home, walk my dogs and as the days get longer, ride my bikes. thats it. no packdrill and no agenda's. simples. I like the fact that people get uptight about 'intellectual property' squeeze me? baking powder? does anything actually belong to anyone? Julian, a long term mate and sparring partner sent me this today, a re-make, re-model of the old loveless sticker designs that we sent out for free but with his own twist. I love it me. It's a one-off. not for sale. Just working and improving on a design that my daughter Jess came up with years ago. Thanks Julian. (Can you sort me one out? Size large, preferably in black so it doesn't show the stains) The Answer? Frank Zappa.....

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Your Motion Says


Under leaden Derbyshire sky's, it was either either sit around waiting for a break in the clouds, a sudden increase in temperature or wrap up, bite the bullet and do a 'Danny Dyer'. 'Come on treacle, let's get amongst it, WALLOP!' Me and Dangerous chose life, heading out in a positevely balmy seven degrees centigrade . Fair play to Dangerous, after his Mallory Park incident where he mashed his collarbone big time it took him all of, what, two miles to be back on the pace, funny how the pain of seven screws, a titanium framework and hours and hours of physio disappears when the adrenaline of riding a motorcycle very fast in poor conditions focuses the mind.
   I'm fifty eight and Dangerous is seventy two and yet we turned into a pair of dickheads, Dangerous rooster-tailing salty water off his back tyre, wheelies and general hooligan behaviour, down the Via Gellia and a thick ribbon of salt and limestone scum off the never ending convoy of Derbyshire Roadstone wagons adding to the already tricky conditions. Toasted cheese and tuna sandwiches and strong coffee to warm frozen limbs and deserted roads, no one is out today, into Matlock, the traditional biker, Sunday afternoon, meeting point, no-one here, Me, Dangerous, the local scooter posse, that's it, what's up? Your dead a long time fuckers..........

Saturday, 25 February 2017

There Is Nothing Here Worth Your Life

I heard it through the grapevine that we have had quite a few bike thefts recently in the 'hood, some very close to the shed, I'm already paranoid but to hear that there's a gang of scrotes in a white Transit van pinching bikes has got me even more security conscious. I have disc-locks, heavy duty Abus chains and locks, an alarm system and bars at the window, two very, very nasty Jack Russell terriers, deadlock bolts and my van is backed up to the door every night, but, I must admit to investing in a security camera too, activated by sound or motion and immediate notification via my phone, an awesome bit of kit and as you can see by the photos, crystal clear, the 'smile motherfucker' sign? Your attention will be drawn to that straight away so I can get a good photo of you as you stare straight into the camera lens. Oh did I mention that I'm shodan in two different martial arts, have a very, very sharp katana and a rusty old shotgun, my new Doc Martens need christening and I hate bike thiefs? bring it on.........


Thursday, 23 February 2017

316

The Suzuki GS1000 based Superbike of Graeme Crosby, a real monster of a motorcycle, obviously after suffering some mechanical mayhem judging by the carb's hanging from the cables, the points cover missing and the cylinder head off. I originally thought crash damage owing to the aluminium can being flattened and the mounting bracket bent, ( incidentally, my old mate Russ had a Yoshimura race can on his GSX1100, a beautiful piece of 'factory' kit, hydraulically formed and the most perfect welding ever ) but on closer examination the bars, grips and levers are intact as are the footpegs, the first thing to bite the dust during a spill so I'm not so sure now.
   What I am loving though is the mix of wheels on the bike, it's definitely a magnesium Dymag on the rear, the classic three-spoke design is a style icon, not sure what the front hoop is? I can only find pictures of the Yoshimura super bikes with matching Dymags from this era so perhaps someone will let me know? They certainly aren't the original 'star' design items I had on my bike, in fact they look like the Kawasaki rims that were fitted to Eddie Lawsons bike? Calipers are AP Lockheed's, the fronts are mounted in front of the skinny little 'right way up' forklegs as was popular during this time, (apparently they stayed cooler owing to them being in the wind blast but from an engineering point it's a bit of a no-no owing to the sheer factors involved on the mountings) the rear is mounted underneath the swingarm and off the old centre-stand mounting in a crude way to achieve a fully floating mounting. The swingarm looks like an early Honda CB 750 SOHC item rather than the standard Suzuki item, probably because the welded seam in the centre offered a lot more torsional strength compared to the OEM tubular item. The frame has additional bracing welded in the 'v' just above the rearset mountings, I copied this on my own bike, Reynolds seamless tubing no less, brazed in by a mate who worked at the old Mercian cycle company in Derby.
    The bike just oozes class, I love bikes that look like they would do you a mischief, hurt you or cause you discomfort if you disrespect them, this old warhorse is up there with the most brutal and what I really like about this photo, ( and what dates it), is the lady in the deckchair on the right, the bloke in the budgie-smugglers, the cobbled together paddock stand and the bike just standing on the grass, no purpose built paddock temporary building, carpeted workshop for the technicians or mega race transporters/mobile home combo like today's racers, in fact, a very average club racer would probably be better equipped than Crosby back in the day.
   Look at it though, go on, look, absolute animal.........