Saturday, 25 February 2017

There Is Nothing Here Worth Your Life

I heard it through the grapevine that we have had quite a few bike thefts recently in the 'hood, some very close to the shed, I'm already paranoid but to hear that there's a gang of scrotes in a white Transit van pinching bikes has got me even more security conscious. I have disc-locks, heavy duty Abus chains and locks, an alarm system and bars at the window, two very, very nasty Jack Russell terriers, deadlock bolts and my van is backed up to the door every night, but, I must admit to investing in a security camera too, activated by sound or motion and immediate notification via my phone, an awesome bit of kit and as you can see by the photos, crystal clear, the 'smile motherfucker' sign? Your attention will be drawn to that straight away so I can get a good photo of you as you stare straight into the camera lens. Oh did I mention that I'm shodan in two different martial arts, have a very, very sharp katana and a rusty old shotgun, my new Doc Martens need christening and I hate bike thiefs? bring it on.........


  1. Same round here Tim, unfortunately all I've got is a telegraph pole, attached to a big chain, attached to a 17 year old motorcycle!

  2. Hello Jan, sad fact of life I'm afraid, the low-life, thieving scumbags who think they have a right to pinch your stuff instead of getting off their fat arses and earning it are becoming the majority. I'm worried about your telegraph pole now, what about getting another chain and making it harder for them to pinch it, better still, unchain the bike and they might steal that instead and leave your telegraph pole alone? Just sayin'............